Bohemian Drive

by Kit Roebuck



Owen: There's only one panel from this comic because it's set up in this weird way where you have to scroll across the screen so you can read it, so you can click on the picture to see the rest of the comic. This is the first time this guy has updated this story in like two years or something. You kind of have to have read the whole thing, which is like 75 parts long, but it has the word "bohemian" in it, so I thought you might like it.
Victor: I had an OK time reading this comic.
Owen: Great. I don't really have anything else to say.
Victor: Cut it, print it.

Herman the Manatee

by Jason Viola



Owen: Where to begin?
Victor: I like the picture of the man.
Owen: I think that's supposed to be Fidel.
Victor: Looks more like Saddam Hussein, actually.
Owen: That wouldn't make any sense.
Victor: This is like underwater Family Circus.
Owen: Oh, that's what the swirly black lines are. No matter how many times I try to read this I can't actually pay attention long enough to figure out what the stupid manatees are talking about. This is so terrible.
Victor: No, yeah, the same exact thing keeps happening with me.
Owen: Who comes up with this shit? Why do you people do this?
Victor: What else is there to do?

A Softer World

by The Worst Person Ever



Victor: This comic is like Blues Traveler.

Dinosaur Comics

by Ryan North



Owen: I don't really have any feelings about this comic, but I figured we should cover it because it's a mainstay of the web comic world, and whenever I read it it just kind of annoys me. I don't understand what this is about at all.
Victor: I dig that he's always about to step on a house and then we don't ever find out if he does. There's a real sense of mystery. It's like Twin Peaks.
Owen: Oh, man. Let's not talk about Twin Peaks.
Victor: OK.

Maakies

by Tony Millionaire



Owen: I didn't realize until recently that Tony Millionaire posted this shit on the internet. Did you know that Tony Millionaire was like one of the first generation of arty dudes to move to Williamsburg. He used to publish this comic in a Williamsburg weekly newspaper Waterfront Week before it was in the Village Voice.
Victor: This comic isn't bad... Why are we reviewing it?
Owen: Um. I don't know. I just ran across it the other day and felt like expressing my feelings about it in blog form.
Victor: Did you know one of the dudes from TV on the Radio used to do animation for Celebrity Death Match?
Owen: No. Crazy. Oh, yeah, there was an animated version of this comic that was on Adult Swim. I think we even talked about blogging about it at one point. It's kind of like the craziest thing. It's on YouTube.com.
Victor: I'm pretty sure a lot of shit we like is made by the educated elite living in economically depressed neighborhoods.
Owen: So... What are you trying to say?
Victor: I don't know.

Toothpaste for Dinner 2.17.08

Owen: This is like the most scenery I have ever seen in this comic. One thing I can say for this dude is that he has a definite style that is pretty cool/quirky but also consistent.
Victor: Yeah, it's called jocking David Shrigley.
Owen: Oh, yeah, that's a good point. But, it's like kind of different.
Victor: Yeah, it's wack.

Casino Comic -- Another one by "old andy pandy"

Victor: I like this one. Very Emo.
Owen: I can't understand why people gamble or go to casinos. But one time I saw this French movie about gambling with my dad, and it was crazy. I could kind of understand why the two people kept gambling. But I was also like, these people are hella crazy. (Also, if you can tell me the name of the movie write it in the comments, because I can't remember).
Victor: I don't think I've ever gambled in a casino. I think I did a slot machine once but it just seemed like it was broken or maybe I just lost.
Owen: Nuts. Every morning I get coffee from the bodega next to my house when I wake up, and there's like a line of old people at the counter shouting out lottery numbers, and it's always an odd thing to experience after I've been awake for like thirty minutes or whatever. I feel bad for this kid. But it kind of annoys me that he wants us to feel bad for him. But it's also, like, an interesting story, so I'm glad I know about it.
Victor: I noticed in his livejournal comments, someone remarked on how much it was in the style of Chris Ware to which he said it was a "love letter" to Chris Ware. Thoughts?
Owen: Yeah, he totally copped the shit like the "because" arrow and the "but" block from Chris Ware, and I don't think a cartoonist could really do that without being aware of that, but I'm also pretty sure that Chris Ware copped that from some like old comics that you've never heard of because he's a nerd. And I guess this comic and Chris Ware's stuff is about hating your parents, although I think Ware's form of self-loathing is a lot more intense, and kind of gross a lot of the time. It's weird that Chris Ware is like, so important. I was actually talking to Bethany, the Speed Racer blogger, the other night about him. I mean, he's good, but really? I think that Dash Shaw will eventually eclipse that dude if he keeps making awesome things. But I also think that arty comics as a thing could disappear like the fucking newspapers, like, within the year.
Victor: "Arty Comics" is weird as a term. Chris Ware seems to be copping old shit in the interest of saying something. Very apologetically reference-y like someone who's always throwing up air-quotes with their fingers. I think I liken him to David Foster Wallace who also can be a bit too weepy to handle some times (after all he did commit suicide) but end of the day I think they're both pretty brilliant.
Owen: Yeah. I actually think I take back everything I just said. I totally like reading Chris Ware, but I guess I feel weird about reading trendy "graphic novels" which may be a more appropriate term than "arty comics." Even though I actually really like graphic novels. My life is so fucked up.
Victor: You need to straighten up and fly right.

Achewood 2.13.09

by Chris Onstad



Owen: This comic really resonates with me, cause I have that same relationship with my stomach. And I would totally each something stupid and gross like a Pepperoni Hot Pocket at seven in the morning. And then my stomach would be like, "Fuck you," and I would have a terrible shit about five minutes later. It's like, if I drink a Coca-Cola and eat a hamburger, when I got to the bathroom, my shit is carbonated.
Victor: I didn't read this one. Too many words. Very small text. And my glasses aren't my real prescription, I got them at the drug store.
Owen: Yeah, his comics have been particularly long recently. And the type is super small, which is funny, cause sometimes he does Chris Ware spoofs, and Chris Ware's comic always have unbelievably small lettering that give me a headache to read. But the premise of the comic is that the cat's stomach starts talking to him because he eats shitty things and then he finds out that his stomach has been paying attention to his whole life and shit.
Victor: I like that the talking cat has a talking stomach but there's still too many words. Nice try, Achewood. But no dice.

Toothpaste for Dinner 2.13.08

by that dude Drew



Owen: This is only funny because it relates to my life. Or maybe it's really funny.
Victor: What's the difference?
Owen: Well, it's like, the author of the comic is speaking to a particular audience, which is like dudes that would give each other synthesizer modules as presents, or are in bands with people who would do that, so I'm like, "Yeah, I know someone who is totally like that. That is so funny." But I think it might also appeal to people who don't know what they are talking about but just think they're nerds. Though I think the joke is a bit flawed, because the first line is funnier than the punchline. I mean, just saying "synthesizer module" in a web comic is pretty funny, and he could have just stopped there, but the punchline is lame. Like, "Ha ha, synthesizers sound annoying." Not that funny.
Victor: I just wrote a long ass thing about the difference between good and satisfying but it didn't make any sense so I deleted it.
Owen: Yeah. I think about that sometimes. Like, Ornette Coleman is good and satisfying, John Coltrane is Good but not satisfying to me, and Ramsey Lewis is satisfying but not good (at least according to other people). But whatever, who cares. One thing that bothers me about this comic is that he says "bar graph" when he means "visualizer." It sort of undermines the authenticity of the comic. And it's surprising, because the author is obviously a huge fucking nerd.
Victor: Wow, I'm in a band with you that uses hella synthesizers and I wasn't thinking about that whole "bar graph" vs. "visualizer" thing. Ornette Coleman is the shit. John Coltrane satisfies me. I think I learned in college that everything is subjective. I don't know who Ramsey Lewis is. But I do read a lot of Foucault, Barthes, and Virginia Wolf. Virginia Wolf is my favorite.
Owen: Everything is subjective.

Anders Loves Maria

by Rene Engstrom

Owen: I got an RSS subscription to this comic like two weeks ago, and I really can't believe how stupid it is every day. It never makes any sense, and I think it's just about how this dude has a pregnant girlfriend but he's an asshole or something. Drawings=Terrible. Writing=Terrible.

Victor: I'm going to have to go ahead and agree with you on this one, Owen. What the fuck is going on here? I read some other ones dude did that also don't make sense but this is on some late Godard type WTF shit. The drawings are like dude went to SCAD cartooning school and sucked his own dick for two years. I don't even know what that means I just said it.

Owen: I think it's like a pastiche where in the first panel, the dude, Anders, is having sex with some chick who isn't pregnant, and then on the other side his pregnant girlfriend is alone, and in the middle some crazy lady is calling some other chick, and they're all held together by the sound of the daily newspaper hitting the curb outside of their apartments. It's like William Carlos Williams or something. But I think to understand all of the pathos in this particular scene you would have to go back and read this whole fucking comic, which would be worse than reading Mein Kampf like ten times without a break.

Victor: I know you don't smoke weed but are you HELLA HIGH RIGHT NOW? No, but actually thanks for the explanation, I think I get it now: it's poignant. Like Garden State. I really am seeing Carlos Williams too now. And Mein Kampf. All valid reference points. This dude's shit should be on SparkNotes. You remember in college when you would see pretty girls walking around with Ulysses and "The Ulysses Reader" and you were like, "I bet she's smart" and maybe it was true and maybe it wasn't? Or like everyone is smart in their own way?

Owen: Or like a pretty girl reading Discipline and Punish? Or Meditations in an Emergency? Or Thus Spake Zarathustra? Or Orlando? Or S/Z? Or The Man Who Was Thursday? Or Venus in Furs? Or Djinn? Or Summa Theologica? Or Expositio aurea super artem veterem Aristotelis? Fuck you.

Victor: Oh yeah that unauthorized Orlando Bloom biography is pretty dope.

Owen: Virginia Woolf.

Victor: I believe it's spelled: Wolf. Virginia Wolf.

Owen: Neil Gotanda.

Victor: Edward Said.

Owen: Roger Cohen. Sucks.

Victor: Which Cohen brother is he? The one that is now a biological female?

Owen: What? Is that true?

Victor: No, it's a joke. One of the Wachowski brothers is a biological female now though. I think that's what Speed Racer is about.

Owen: I didn't see that. I guess I will have to. You and my friend Bethany both like it. She wrote about it.

Victor: Shit, I'll have to read that later. I know Bethany, she's a nice lady. Speed Racer and Michael Jackson's Moonwalker are tied for Craziest Fucking Movie Ever. Oh, also, this web comic sucks.

Owen: Coda.

We Lost the Alien Loves Predator Picture Contest

These are the finalists, and here is the winner:

Owen: This is really stupid.

Victor: It's amazing how little I want to read this. I couldn't get past the first panel. I wonder why dude chose the picture he chose. all of the runners up looked exactly the same.

Owen: Dude, I was going to say the same thing. I still think he should have chosen our entry. Fuck him.

Victor: Yeah, I just imagined that picture at the end of this comic and it was hilarious. We're the best.

Owen: Yeah, the dude he chose is just doing exactly what he said you should do and looks completely normal except for his stupid goatee. Idiot. Let's move on to that other comic, this is making angry.

Victor: Owen, you need to calm down. All of this anger is not healthy.